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4:03 PM EST- I'm pacing myself as best I can, but as all bros know, once you crack open that first frat soda, you start going down a slippery slope. You may be asking, "Vic Mackey, why on earth are you pacing yourself?" Simple, really. As I alluded to, God is definitely just fucking boning us right now. Because he's a Bro. And what do bros do? They intentionally screw people over for their own enjoyment. And what would screw me over? If I have to work tomorrow and I drink 30 beers tonight. Good luck explaining that to your boss... "Sorry, boss. Just figured work was a no-go. So I got fucking trashed." Real responsible. Oh well, Dilligaf. I am 4 deep and as soon as I see the big stuff coming at 7PM, I'm really gonna put in work. Hopefully the Federal Government will just pre-emptively shut down early, so I don't have to have those nagging feelings that I'm being fucked with.
-VM
4:27 PM EST- Still pacing myself, I'm on beer #6 and am going to pack some lips afterwards, just to curb my booze intake. Make no mistake, bros, I'm not doing this because I'm getting drunk already (gonna take at least 12 more for that). I'm doing it until I know I'm not getting DILLIGAF'd by so-called Meteorologists who consistently fuck up their job more than GW Bush. Hey-ooooooooo!
Anyways, I found this vid while perusing some sites, and I gotta say, I admire this bro's passion for weather. This was from the first blizzard, so it's a few days old. But once I find another video of him going berserk, I will add it on here.
-VM
5:18 PM EST- 8 Deep now. Feeling more and more confident that I'm not being fucked with. In fact, I might be getting fucked with in the opposite sense. The snow is coming down hard earlier than expected. If we're to believe the Meteorologists, we're gonna get winds between 35-50 MPG tomorrow. That's a scary proposition for anyone who isn't a bro. But for me, it just means I'm glad I've been storing cardboard boxes in my closet for over a year now, so that when my apartment windows shatter, I can patch them up with the quickness. God bless us, one and all.
-VM.
5:45- Things looking good. Time for another lip. Fatter the better... except when it comes to girls.
-VM
6:24- I didn't murder a bison myself, but I am still eating the fruits of someone else who did.
-VM
7:38- You know how it must have felt for the passengers aboard the Titanic when they knew it was basically all over? That's how I feel right now. Yes, my bro-minions, I just got official word that the Fed Government is officially closed tomorrow. Fuck yea... I'm still not gonna bro my load too early though. But rest assured, the coherent and literate blogger you see right now?? He will be long gone in about 2 hours.
-VM
7:54- I just went into panic mode and realized it might be time to consider the possibility that my liquor store will lose power tomorrow in the 40 MPH winds. Time to get my priorities in order and "stock up".
-VM
8:20- Bros, I have some bad news. I have made no real progress in my blacked out status. However, I have some great news... I added a handle of Evan Williams to my stock. Why Evan Williams? I don't fucking know. Why any type of booze, jerk? Because it gets me drunk and it's fairly cheap. Get off me. And, did I buy any Coca-Cola, or mixer of any kind for that matter? I don't know, do Chickens have lips? I drink that shit with water and ice cubes and then, after a while, just with ice cubes. So eat me. Time to do some work.
But first, as always, time to pack a fat lip.
-VM
8:36- Had a realization a few minutes ago. And it revolves around the fact that certain bros of mine were complaining about the Federal Government closing down while the Private Sector had to work.
First of all, the Private Sector does not HAVE to work. It's a PRIVATE decision. Strange how that works. If your boss is a prick, you work in this weather. If not, then you don't.
Second, let's just assume that it was as cut and dry as the babies in the Private Sector make it out to be. Why would that be? I even had New York bros complaining about it.
Hmmmm. I wonder. Could it be because the Federal Government matters more than you slovenly Private-sectorers?
I will leave it at that.
-VM
8:47- The only way I could count the beers I have drank would be to go through the garbage and count the empties. Bros don't do that, however. I'd say the total is around 13 as of right now, but don't quote me on that... especially since I still know how to use commas. Wait until the "blanshdasjkd"s start, and we can talk about my drunktaceousness.
-VM
9:37- I'm watching a show that most true blue bros can agree that they watch; but that some poser bros refuse to admit to. I'm sure you can figure it out at this point. It ends with -ost.
-PS: Starting to get drunk.
9:52- 16 deep, nothing impressive. Still trying to make this logical. Booooorrrrrr.
-VM
10:09- Drinking. Funny how more drinks=less words.
-VM
10:24- I went into my fridge and counted the cans of beer missing, and by my count, it is 8+10. A vicious blackout is well on its way, but we are not making huge progress just yet. I will be finishing my 19th and 20th beers in the next 20 minutes. Then, perhaps, a friend named Evan W will visit?
-VM
10:48- To edit, or not to edit. This will be the last one I edit.
-VM
Yeesh. Girls make this so easy for us bros to make fun of them:
10:59- Just had this convo:
[22:57] Vic: i feel great about not going to work, but some ppl are gonna be hurting tomorrow
[22:57] Vic: torn
[22:58] Girl: what do you mean
[22:58] Vic: all those amputees out there
---
[23:00] Vic: i just used that mini exchange for my new blog that im writing for
[23:03] Vic: wow they just showed a girl who went out to get groceries and ran out of gas
[23:03] Vic: how stupid can u be
[23:06] Girl: like outside your house
[23:07] Girl: ?
[23:07] Vic: well thats the point
[23:07] Vic: they flock
[23:08] Girl: shes a whore and deserves to freeze in a snow drift
[23:08] Vic: or be getting drenched in a different kinda snow drift, in my apartment.
You see, bros care.
-VM
11:15-
Hey! Just in case you come to BHOBH (Bro Hard Or Bro Home) for your Winter Weather News:
There will be no MARC service on any line on Wednesday, February 10, 2010 due to severe weather conditions. A decision about service for Thursday will be made Wednesday evening.
(Bros everywhere rejoice and get fucked up instead of worrying about work... again. You are welcome, bros. -Love, Barack Obrahma)
11:31-
What now? Really, what now? I'm off tomorrow. We're gonna get pounded with snow and 40 MPH winds. Drink? Sure. More updates.
-VM
11:37-
"We've never had two storms this close together around here"- Random Non-Bro
I am absolutely sure we have. However, we ARE getting destroyed now by this weather. I'm watching some news and they're interviewing dildos who say "we've never seen this before". Sure you haven't. You were a kid last time this happened. Stop crying. Stop complaining. Just stay in, idiots. Jesus.
-VM
11:47-
Watching penguins in "Southern" hemisphere? What the fuck?
-VM
11:54-
Just easier to do this than try to stay coherent:
[23:51] VM: im watching penguins too
[23:51] Girl: penguins?
[23:51] VM: yea on the tv
[23:52] VM: black cars smashing in the snow
[23:52] VM: pengins banging on the tv
[23:52] VM: penguins
[23:52] Girl: penguins dont bang!
[23:52] VM: i say they do
[23:52] Girl: NO THEY DONT!
[23:52] Girl: or do they...
[23:53] VM: me says yes
[23:53] Girl: omg they do
[23:53] Girl: UGH why did i youtube!
-VM
12:09-
Evan Williams.
I'm still watching TV. It's not funny.
-VM
12:24-
I spend more time wasting time on commercials than Whiskey and Dip. 10 minutes. What the fuck. Unbelievable. trying my best.
-CM
12:25-
I wish I was kidding.
-VBM
12:26-
A lot of ppl were worryiunbg about drinking tonight. Go ahead. Drink tonight..
-VM
.....................
..................................................
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I'd like to finish this right now.
My windows are getting dominated right now. Oh well. I'm gonna keep getting destructive, I think we can bang out with this.
-VM
Nope, not final post.
I want to black out, here we go.
12:59
..............
We are in a blizzard, woooooooooooooooooooooo
26 deep.
-VM
1:35 AM- What to do now...
Drink more, I say... bros follow through with this:
--
1:56 AM-
Bronest Hemingway told me my wrongs. He was right about it. I don't know. He said I wasn't blacked out. He was correct.
I will tell you this. There is a pencil on my desk. Never before has that appeared. Ok, I'm gonna go count my beers.
2:02 AM-
Ok give me a break on this one:
Kid Rock is playing. I guess this is how it goes. We just drink. For me to claim that I'm blacked out would be a lie. Ok.
2:07 AM-
Nobody would care if I would wonder about this....
2:12 AM-
Yeesh. My abs beat those cans.
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That was the last post. I faded to black at 2:02. I'm going to black out again tonight, but I won't keep a log. Hope this was enjoyable.
-VM
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