Yes, friends. the Government is up and running tomorrow. They are operating with a delayed arrival and allowing for Unscheduled Leave.
For a non-bro, this presents a dilemma. Does one go in to put in one meaningless day of "work" aka waahing about the snow and having to catch up on work? Or does one utilize that little loophole that the Feds mistakenly put in the equation? Those two words "Unscheduled Leave".
Well, if I wasn't a bro, I might be inclined to join the rat race and spend hours of my precious time getting to work tomorrow. I might stay sober tonight and get a good night's sleep so I am well rested for the work day.
But I'm a fucking bro. And fucking bros don't play like that.
What I, a bro of extreme renown, did was inform my boss that I was going out of town this weekend and that coming into DC would be a tremendous hassle. Well, guess what, I am going out of town. But the town I'm going to is WASHINGTON DC! Because we're celebrating Bronest's birthday. Oh the irony. So pungent.
But anyways, that was the cap to your boy's Snowmageddon experience. And now, I will ramble a bit about how a bro survives multiple snowstorms.
Obviously your first step is to "stock up". That much is simple. It has also already been addressed, so I won't dive back into that one. Next, you must drink your stocked materials. Oh sure, you can take breaks, but just make sure that your breaks are only taken because you are on life support from liver failure. The bottom line is that, if they invented such a thing as "Snowstorms sans Booze", the world's suicide rate would be near 95%. Must. Drink. Constantly.
Third, sometimes it gets redundant to swill booze non-stop. I know, I know, radical claim. However, any true blue bro knows this to be true. So, for that reason, other paraphernalia comes into the picture. (Yes, that is the proper spelling and yes I had to google it because I mispelled it 6 times. What the fuck is that "r" doing there before "nalia" anyways?) Now, a lot of bros differ on their opinions of which type of "Booze Balancer" they like. For some bros, it's marijuana. For others, it's the other kind of snow. For me, it is dipping tobacco. I know, that's kind of pussy shit for a bro, but trust me, I've experienced the other kinds of 'nalia, and this one just suits me best.
Fourth, maintain constant access to pornographic materials. That's self explanatory, in my opinion.
Fifth, once cabin fever+being hungover sets in, you need an outlet for your frustration. Thus, "crush weights".
Sixth, if you're a true bro, you have a huge HD tv. So you watch it and you laugh at the reports of people crashing into trees.
Seventh, go outside to snap pictures of people who got owned by the snow. Like, for example, this picture I took 30 minutes ago:
So there you have it, bros. A quick handy dandy guide to drinking for 10 days straig- er, I mean, getting caught in a snowstorm. Have a good weekend.
-VM
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