In any event, here are the highlights of the second day:
-Me feigning concern over the tsunami in Hawaii because I was concerned that Lost would have to stop filming there. Yes, I like Lost. Fuck you if you think I’m a worse bro because of that.
-Stomping very basic tricks like grabs and spread eagles and then pretending like we just pulled off a Johnny Mosely-esque mogul/aerial run for the Gold Medal. Applause from the chair lift follows.
-Making fun of a stuck moose in the woods/telling some knobs below the chairlift that we wish we knew the male moose mating call so that the stuck moose (presumably a female because a bro moose would never get stuck) would charge them and kill them.
-Drinking at the peak of the mountain and then almost injuring ourselves afterwards because we were already still drunk from the night before.
-Me blacking out HARD after drinking all day and creeping at the bar, buying (this is from someone else’s account of events) 5 shots in the span of 5 minutes after uttering “I really want to avoid blacking out tonight”. Stupid me. Why would anyone ever try to avoid blacking out?
-Waking up with blood on my hands and a nose that felt as though the moose face fucked me in the middle of the night. Finding out that it was from my bro throwing me across the room and me landing on my face. Jesus, blacking out is fun.
-And finally, just to summarize something that I don’t think I expressed here yet: me and my bros are far from being joke skiers. We were rolling with 6 bros, and I’d say that 5 of us bros (yours truly included) were among the top 10% of skiers, skill-wise, there. You see, this is what bros do. We act like fucking animals and clowns, but then we kick everyone’s ass that looks down upon us. Nothing better than seeing some uppity bitch sneering at us in the lift line as we talk about killing each other’s moms, and then following her around screaming DILLIGAF before blowing her off the slopes. Domination.
-I did not ski on Sunday because my body was ravaged. I did, however, buy a new pair of skis. I now own 2 pairs of skis, and that is fucking smarmy.
We are already planning a bigger, more bro trip for next year. See, bros, I have graduated from college. And, while it sucks that I can’t go to a rager every single weekend, it’s not all bad. Because, now that me and my bros have jobs, we can step up our bro-games. We stay in nicer places instead of cramming 10 dudes into some shitty Motel 6 hotel room. We can throw stacks of money around like we are Kid Cudi (even though we really aren’t). And we can do sweeter things like ski, gamble, and offend every single person around us on the reg.
With all that said, bros, I better get back to “work”. While I’m sure I won’t get anything productive done today, I’m betting that they’re not paying me to blog about killing my friends’ moms, threatening non-bros with moose mating calls, and getting a bloody nose while blacked out. Not like I care, but at least I can justify my laziness today. Check in tomorrow as I detail the best aspects of the great sport of skiing. Until then, here’s a beer for you:
Just kidding. If you got excited for a Zima, then you clearly also like Dungeons and Dragons, fruitcake.
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